i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
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