You're my little dorito
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
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I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
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Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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