Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
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She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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