...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
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She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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