they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
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Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
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Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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