Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
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Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
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The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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