A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
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she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
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Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My ass is underappreciated
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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