it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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