so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
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Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
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But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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