Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I don't deserve a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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