There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
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It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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