you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
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I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
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So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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