in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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