Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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