i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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