So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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