How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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