dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
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Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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