they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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