This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
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my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
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Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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