Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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