I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize