i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
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I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
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I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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