This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
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Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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