after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
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Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
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I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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