I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
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