I am spending my child support on dildos
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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