I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
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This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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