Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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