Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize