Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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