PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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