pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize