I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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