Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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