Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
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After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
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Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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