Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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