I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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