he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
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I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
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Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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