it was like eating out sand paper
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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