you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize