I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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