I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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