When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
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Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
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Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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