She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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