I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
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I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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