Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
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strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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