mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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