my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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