So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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